the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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