Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
