Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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