You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Drunk is not a location!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
