Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
