We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
