Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
