There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
