I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
