News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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