I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
