I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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