I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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