My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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