Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Randomize
