i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
