living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
