She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
