im having a threesome with these popsicles
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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