how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
found the other keg... it's in the tree
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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