Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
