when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
