i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
