Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
