Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
