Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
