She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
