I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
