Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
