I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
