I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You need Xanax blowdarts
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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