oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
