the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
