As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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