And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
