come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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