I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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