I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
