someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
