Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
