i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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