They should really pass out barf bags in church
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
