My Higher Power is John Stamos
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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