weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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