Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
