Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize