There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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