true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
