I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
