she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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