don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
