WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Enjoy the penises
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
