Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
