She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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