bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
