just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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