Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
