Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
