Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
