ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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