What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
