the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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