It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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