i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
