Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
