Duck Duck Cougar?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
