There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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