I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
