We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
