Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
