I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
