Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
