You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
