You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
