So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
