So drunk its hurt
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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