Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
