this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
