I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
