Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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