before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
