Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
